Sloughing Off Suffering

10/7/2026

Years ago, I began the process of unearthing my attachment to suffering. The path of yoga, meditation, and self-inquiry was my passion and ignition point. Looking back, I would say that the particular modalities were not as important as the process itself

…the gradual expansion of awareness.

In my 30s, I was blessed to have a very skillful teacher appear in my life once my focus turned toward “waking up.” One of the first things he said to me was that I had an almost impenetrable wall around me.

When he first told me this, I was skeptical and, quite frankly, shocked. Yet, with some self-reflection and exploration, I began to see that he was right. Every suggestion he offered seemed to roll off me like Teflon. At first, nothing would stick.

Once I looked more deeply, though, I could see some truth in his assessment.

It took daily practice and months of meditation, self-inquiry, contemplation, and writing exercises for that hard layer to begin to wear down. My teacher, Christopher, patiently waded through my storms of frustration, arguments about dogma, entitlement, depressive states, and plain old grumpiness.

The dawning of greater awareness also included an investigative process that had me questioning everything.

The gift, I know that’s a strong word…of suffering, is that it can eventually give birth to the willingness and interest to experience something other than our usual, unsatisfying way of operating.

Christopher’s homework included scrutinizing my thoughts, words, and behaviors. And wow...the first part of this process was mortifying.

The light of awareness was growing.

Over the years, I used many modalities; pranayama, medicine work, retreats, meditation, and self-inquiry, to give myself more space in my body, heart, and mind. The initial phases were uncomfortable, to say the least, as I witnessed the full spectrum of human experience, from shame to love.

I began to notice tendencies to withdraw, isolate, separate, compare, and judge. Layers of tension revealed themselves through tightness and discomfort in the body. Unhelpful thought patterns, ancient beliefs, and habits that had been quietly dragging me down began to surface.

One after another, they showed up like eager athletes waiting for their turn to get out on the field and be witnessed.

By becoming aware of these patterns, and attempting to do so without judgment-along with a heavy dose of grace, they gradually began to lose some of their power over me.

Some days, though, it all seemed insurmountable.

I love this passage from François Fénelon:

“As awakening increases, we see ourselves to be worse than we thought. We are amazed at our former blindness as we see issuing forth from the depths of our hearts a whole swarm of shameful thoughts and feelings. We could never have believed that we had harbored such things, and we stand aghast as we watch them gradually appear. But we must neither be amazed or disheartened. We are not worse than we were; on the contrary, we are better. But while our faults diminish, the light by which we see them waxes brighter and we are filled with horror. Bear in mind, for your comfort, that we only perceive our malady when the cure begins.”

—François Fénelon, 17th-century French theologian

Years down the road, there was a realization that this process of shaving away the layers could actually be easy, and even fun, some of the time.

I found myself participating more fully in community events and gatherings, experiencing light filled altered states, and learning to trust my own process. I also discovered that giving myself more time to relax and enjoy life was essential as I moved through the waves of contracted inner states. These became necessary remedies.

As the days, weeks, months, and years passed, the suffering, contractions, and fears lessened and generally, became subtler.

Of course, they still arise. And now I see them as opportunities to be compassionate with myself when they do.

So far, it has been worth every arduous moment.

Sometimes I wonder if I could have done it any other way. When I seriously contemplate that question, I know I couldn’t have, and wouldn’t have.

My bet is that you wouldn’t revise your own personal sojourn either.

I don’t know if the journey of alleviating suffering ever fully “expires.” As we know, there is old age, sickness, and death. But I can say with absolute certainty that through the process of increasing awareness, my experience of suffering has dramatically decreased.

May it do so for you, too.