12/4/24
It’s the day before Thanksgiving, and I’m browsing through recipes. Outside, the snow is piling up in front of my door, blanketing everything in exquisite quiet. I settle deeper into my chair, feeling the weight of the moment. The thought of venturing out to get the one missing ingredient for the recipe I’ve chosen feels less appealing with each passing minute.
In the co-housing community I live in, it’s not uncommon for someone to send out an email requesting a missing recipe item. It hadn’t even occurred to me to ask for what I needed. Then, a thought struck me: How often do I allow myself to fully receive? How many times have I brushed off a compliment or failed to truly appreciate a gift?
There’s a part of me that is always thinking about others. On the surface, this might seem altruistic. But when I dig deeper, I realize there have been times when I’ve sacrificed my own needs for the sake of others—a pattern that isn’t always healthy.
Learning how to receive actually requires something of us. It demands slowing down, humbling ourselves, and acknowledging that we need something. It can feel vulnerable. To ask for or accept help is to confront our limitations—whether in resources, energy, knowledge, love, or awareness. While it’s important to challenge those limitations, it’s equally important to admit to them.
In my conversations with the people I work with, I’ve noticed that many of them struggle more with receiving than giving. Haven’t we all experienced giving to someone who couldn’t fully accept what we offered? All that love and generosity can feel deflated when it isn’t met with open arms.
About a decade ago, I spent a weekend with a group of people training to become facilitators. One evening, a woman approached me to share something weighing heavily on her heart. At first, I thought I was helping her. But somewhere along the way, I realized she was actually helping me. In that moment, I simultaneously received the experience of feeling valued while giving her the non-judgmental attention she needed. It was a deeply nourishing exchange, like an infinite loop of energy flowing gracefully back and forth.
Our cultural conditioning often tells us that it’s better to give than to receive. But blanket statements like that deserve closer examination. We can’t truly give unless we’ve first filled our own tanks. Authentic giving flows naturally from a heart full of love, gratitude, and presence. It’s unconditional and doesn’t depend on identifying as “a giver.”
We’ve heard the saying, “To give is to receive.” But perhaps the reverse is equally true: “To receive is to give.” There’s no hierarchy between these two roles—they’re part of the same essential loop, the way life itself moves.
As we enter the holiday season, it might be worth exploring these two interdependent energies. How does it feel to fully receive? What is it like to give freely?
I’d love to hear your thoughts—please share in the comments below.
P.S. I did send out an email asking for the missing ingredient to the recipe (dates) and received an abundance of responses from my co-housing community. It felt amazing to ask—and to receive!
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