Cracking the Shell: Letting Go of Who You Think You Are

8/5/25

Who Are You, Really?

“Who’s having a shitty day?”

That’s how the yoga teacher greeted our class the other week. Before my mind could scoff at the question as “immature” or “unenlightened,” my hand shot into the air at warp speed. And I was the only one.

The room—about thirty people—burst into laughter. Including me. It was strangely exhilarating. Humor—universal medicine—had already started shifting my state. Years ago, I wouldn’t have dared to admit I was having a rough day, especially in public. Back then, I identified so strongly as a “spiritual person” and “yoga teacher” that being "off" felt like failure. It would have cracked the polished façade of my spiritual identity. And "crack" really is the right word—identity can be brittle.

The Hard Shell of Identity

Identities are the roles we play. Over time, they harden into callused, fortified beliefs—constructed by culture, family, institutions, religion, and our own survival strategies. For me, obvious ones have included daughter, sister, dancer, yoga teacher, meditation guide, shamanic practitioner, retreat facilitator… and all the miscellaneous job titles I’ve held.

Others are more subtle. They’re absorbed unconsciously, shaped by our financial status, body image, intellect, or upbringing. You can spot them in conversation, behavior, even symbolic gestures—like flying the flag of your country above your porch.

But what happens when those roles don’t fit anymore?

Archetypes: Patterns We Live By

We also operate through behavior patterns—known as archetypes. These are deeply embedded ways of engaging with the world. According to Carol Pearson (building on Carl Jung’s work), some common archetypes include:

• The Innocent

• The Lover

• The Orphan

• The Hero

• The Explorer

• The Sage

• The Jester

• The Ruler

• The Creator

• The Magician

• The Outlaw

• The Caregiver

We may embody several archetypes over a lifetime. But when one dominates, we risk imbalance. Take the Hero archetype. At its best, it’s courageous and driven. But taken too far, it becomes obsession. Think: Walter White from Breaking Bad. A man whose noble intentions (providing for his family) spiral into destruction because of an unexamined identity.

The Inner Loop: How Beliefs Shape Us

More personal and insidious than roles or archetypes are the core beliefs we carry—usually formed in childhood. These beliefs tend to follow a loop:

1. An experience (often painful or formative)

2. A belief created from that experience

3. A perception of life through that belief

4. Repeated life experiences that reinforce it

This loop becomes a prison if left unexamined.

Breaking the Cycle

The first step is questioning your thoughts, loosening your grip on beliefs, and—eventually—letting go of overthinking altogether. In my own life, I’ve used a wide range of tools to unearth and release these internal loops:

• Meditation & self-inquiry

• Breathwork & journaling

• Body-based practices

• Healing modalities

• Altered state experiences

• The guidance of trusted teachers and mentors

It’s not about becoming someone new. It’s about releasing what’s not you.

The Weight of Identity

We don’t always realize how heavy our self-concepts have become—until we begin to let them go. For me, it felt like I could finally breathe. Letting go of identity can feel like death, but what it makes space for is life—your truest expression.

Spiritual teacher Byron Katie often asks:“Who would you be without that belief?”…And it’s not a rhetorical question.

When Life Strips It Away

Sometimes, we don’t get to choose when to let go. Life decides for us:

• A husband loses his wife of 48 years

• A fit, health-obsessed athlete gets cancer

• You’re “let go” from your job

• Your spiritual community dissolves

• Your home is destroyed by fire or flood

Suddenly, you’re not that person anymore. There’s a gap. A void. And if you can resist the urge to immediately fill it—with busyness, distraction, or judgment—that gap becomes fertile ground.

In my experience, that space has held grief, relief, confusion, awe, and strange freedom. It can be disorienting to tumble into the unknown—but if you stay present, the unknown becomes a wellspring of clarity and renewal.

“Challenges seem like they are breaking you.However, in truth, they are making you into the most limitless and versatile version of yourself.”— Hiral Nagda

Spacious Being

As we release tightly held identities, something spontaneous and authentic arises. Life begins to move through us unimpeded. We become lighter, more available to what is.

Identities might describe aspects of who we’ve been—but they do not define who we truly are. We are not our thoughts. We are not our jobs. We are not our status.

So then… who are you?

The Timeless Inquiry

If you're curious about discovering what lies beyond your identities, try this simple but potent question from the ancient wisdom traditions:

“Who am I?”

Not conceptually, but directly—through feeling, sensing, witnessing. Ask without expecting an answer. Ask, and stay with what opens.

“The whole point of inquiry is failing. We fail to find ourselves as we expect to find ourselves. But if we fail well, we fail at finding ourselves as something particular… and maybe we just fall into our True Nature.”— Adyashanti

“Step into the fire of self-discovery. This fire will not burn you; it will only burn what you are not.”— Mooji

These words remind us that the process of self-inquiry is about letting go of our identities and everything we are not. In the space left behind, something truer—more alive, more free—can emerge. When we allow ourselves to fail at being who we think we are, we make room for the mystery of who we truly are to reveal itself.